


pocket size reckonings

by were



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Humor, Author's Favorite, Cardistry, Coping, Dorms, Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Kleptomania, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Roommates, Sharing Clothes, Slice of Life, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 15:01:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17143934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/were/pseuds/were
Summary: Theo and Liam met at a support group two years ago and ever since can't keep their hands off each other.





	pocket size reckonings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LI0NH34RT](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LI0NH34RT/gifts).



> This is a Thiam Secret Santa fic written for Janna. Hope I did your prompt justice. Merry Christmas! And Merry Yule!
> 
> Warning: I didn't want to bother anyone to beta this on Christmas Eve... so all mistakes are mine.  
> The M rating is for one brief and non-explicit sexual content.

_Hi. I'm new, but this has been going on for a couple of years. Sometimes I do it without realizing it. It's like catching yourself red-handed but the deed's done – I mean, I'm already halfway through so, like, why swim back, right? And the next thing I know I have packs of gum and someone else's keys in my pockets or up my sleeve… I'm not proud. I prefer mints and don't even know how to drive – Anyways. I see a little red afterwards. On good days I just jog it off. On bad days I take it out on friends or, well, inanimate objects…_

_…_

_Hi. … I don't know when it all started. Could be when I lost my sister, around ten, but I'm not sure when it became an impulsive thing. I always told myself that it was okay because I only took things I needed. In retrospect, I realize that what I needed and still need the most is to figure myself out. Granted. It's easier said than done and I never quite walk the talk – I don't really have anyone I can talk to. I've tried stealing a friend or two but, yeah. It doesn't work that way, I guess. (laughter)_

_…  
_

 

 

"You've seen my brush?" Liam asked from under the bed where he was sifting through his so-called organized chaos.

Theo walked across the room while buttoning up his shirt, then picked up a playing card from the floor, flipped it over to reveal a two of hearts. "Hair or tooth?"

"What?"

"Hairbrush or toothbrush?" Theo clarified.

"Uh. Now that I think about it, both? I've been using your toothbrush lately."

"That's fucking disgusting. And no, I've seen neither." Theo stalked into their shared bathroom and promptly threw out his toothbrush. The plastic stick echoed its way to the bottom of the trashcan. Liam whined.

"What was the point of asking me which one I was missing if you hadn't seen either one? Also, I could have just continued using that—"

"You owe me and yourself a new one, cheapskate."

Liam produced a hairbrush from Theo's schoolbag. "Found it. It was in your bag." 

Theo didn't provide an explanation. He simply rolled his eyes, picked up his keys from the counter, slid them into his jean pocket and moved towards the door, putting on his sneakers. "You need a ride to class or something?"

"Yeah, just give me a second."

"Why are you still in my bag?"

"Looking for mints."

"Did you not brush your teeth?"

"Yeah, but now my mouth smells like you."

"Not sure if you mean my toothpaste, or my dick." 

"Probably both," Liam smiled as innocently as he could. Theo grabbed Liam's coat off the hook and magically found his mints in Liam's inside pocket. Theo took it out, examined the small metal box before aiming and flinging it across the room where it hit Liam smack in the face.

"Hurry up, princess. We're going to be late," Theo barked as he moved into the hall.

 

They arrived at the parking lot, and when Theo got to the driver side of the truck, he held his hand out, waiting for Liam.

Liam frowned, looking up from his phone when he realized there was a holdup. "What?"

"Keys," Theo deadpanned.

"You—"

" _You_ ," Theo emphasized the pronoun, "felt up my butt in the elevator. Also—" he checked his pockets with a swift pat, "My phone too, you fucker."

"It was a nice and warm butt," Liam commented offhandedly as he found the phone and keys in his pockets. He glimpsed at Theo's lockscreen wallpaper and it was a cute photo they took together two days ago. It made him smile.

"You're doing that creepy smile again," Theo warned before getting into his seat, rubbing his hands together to keep warm. 

 

They met two years ago at a support group, clicked right away despite Liam's earnest hot-headedness and Theo's icy sarcasm conflicting almost constantly. 

They were the type to start off hating the other's guts. They'd shove each other around and fought over which sports team was better, whether a dog person or a cat person was cooler, whether to root for team Tony or team Cap, so forth. But somehow they'd end up finishing each other's sentences and sandwiches, walking down white sidewalks, arms around shoulders or hand in hand, cheering and singing offbeat, flirting their way through the night, dusk to dawn, tipsy to sober, having the time of their lives. 

The next few meetings saw them sat next to each other, making small talk about their shared interests, notably their passion for their respective majors. Liam was a history major, Theo was a literature major and sometimes they crossed paths on several topics. And they got along well, thick as thieves, despite everyone's bets.

It didn't take long to find out that they were going to the same college, and before they could really figure out what they even were to each other, they orchestrated a plan to get some students kicked out of a twin-bed dorm room so they could book it for themselves. They'd told the support group about it all the while – it was a solution they think could work. Theo would keep an eye on Liam, vice versa. By the end of it all, they were practically attached by the hip.

It worked out. Mostly. Relapses happened, but they happened less and less often. Liam kept to only "stealing" from Theo ("Su casa mi casa!" Liam would rectify), and Theo hadn't tried to steal, break up or break other people because he had someone to talk to. Someone who wanted to talk to him, and who understood and knew Theo's impulses like the back of their hands.

They'd fuck a lot – there was always enough (healthy) tension between them for them to want to pretty much go at it everywhere and everywhen, but they'd done all the couple-y dating stuff too: cheese and fluff dinner and movie dates, ice cream in the park, nocturnal walks, bouts of jealousy over old exes and heated arguments over where to go for Christmas holidays. Despite that, it took them around a year to finally admit (to themselves, whilst sitting out on the ledge of a frozen fountain, smoking) that they were kind of _sort of_ boyfriends.

They headed to the convenience store together every evening. Theo used keeping Liam in check as an excuse to hold hands, and their hands fit perfectly, felt like there was nowhere else they could possibly fit better. 

Even when they kissed in the parking lot, starry sky overhead, Liam's back against Theo's truck, cans on the hood, they always kept track of where each other's hands were. The intention of keeping track of them was only an excuse at this point – they knew they were trying to get away with it as much as they could without admitting to sappiness. Theo liked to think it was attentiveness instead, and Liam would think it was fondness. But it all came to this – everything between them was free game. 

 

It wasn't always sunshine and daisies, rainbows and butterflies, of course.

Last winter (it was always the worst during winter) Liam had been caught. It was his second offense, meaning that the next one he'd be marked with felony – but that had been the least of Liam's concern. He was always much more scared of judging eyes from people who had been nice and friendly only an hour ago. And Theo was always much more afraid that Liam would consequently wallow in shame and guilt and close up like an oyster.

"Fuck them," Theo said, as vehemently as he could, but he only sounded thoroughly affected by the way Liam looked at him. Cheeks red, eyes dark, searching for anything but comfort. Theo's grip around Liam would tighten and he couldn't bring himself to let go, ever.

And a few days later, Theo came back home, producing clean sticks of chalk, magnets, a lighter and an opened pack of Virginia Slims from his coat pockets. He dropped them onto the bed and sat down, turned away, trying to remember to breathe.

"Why the hell did you get old lady darts?" Liam stood from his chair and reached for the pack of cigarettes, examining it, shaking one out, and then noticing the chalk and magnets. "What's with the stationery?" He picked up a chalk and spun it around his thumb. "You want to do teacher-student next? Didn't know that was your thing—"

"Old lady let her guard down," Theo explained flatly, covering his face with his hands. He didn't bother answering the rest. He didn't dare look at Liam.

Liam stood still for a moment. He looked at Theo, breathing steadily. Theo closed his eyes.

"Shit," he said through his hands, now starting to tremble.

"Hey," Liam murmured. He approached and slid his hands into the other's hair. "Let's go buy some midnight snacks and smokes? The proper way? Break into college after hours to put back those chalks and magnets? Hey…"

 

And they'd do that, attempt to make it a habit, the right thing at least, hoping it'll stick. 

Life was like that – they knew for every two steps forward they might have to have a step back. But they also knew, somehow, that they were there, not to lick each other's wounds, but to be reminders, to keep each other's backs. That they had someone who'd support them no matter what.

 

"You know it's not right to romanticize kleptomania?" Theo warned, trying to get back to his Tobias Wolff essay on his laptop. 

"Not my fault you think me stealing your clothes is hot," Liam said. He was wearing Theo's white dress shirt and it looked awful cute on him because it was about a size too big in length. It didn't help that Liam wasn't wearing anything underneath and that the shirt somehow showcased his toned thighs better. "How do you even recognize a white shirt? Don't they all look the same?"

"The wine drop on the back," Theo answered. Liam turned to look and groaned when he saw the spot. 

"Well, you're wearing my socks," Liam pointed at Theo's The Grinch socks. 

"You gave them to me?"

"No I didn't," Liam crawled over and kissed Theo on the nose before sliding down and attaching himself against Theo's side, rested there like he was about to purr. Theo rolled his eyes, though secretly deep down, he really liked this. Whatever this was.

They made out at some point and Liam had shifted onto Theo's lap. Spotify was playing their favourite songs from Liam's laptop, and the early winter cold seeping into the dim-lit room was pushing the two to stick together, skin to skin, sharing warmth. Their bodies fit like rounded puzzle pieces finding their places. For once, their hands rested, on top of one another, unmoving. They hadn't intended it, but they slid into sleep to the sound of motors outside their window, drunk cheers from the corridor, phantom smell of Ultra Lights and American Spirits, orange street light through cream curtains, soft chords of acoustic music, their combined breathing and heartbeats. 

 

 

"Theo—" A zipper was undone.

"Sorry. Hands slipped."

"Into the wrong pocket, fucker." 

"I believe this is not a pocket," Theo smiled into Liam's cheek. 

"Shit, I have the thesis proposal pre in ten minutes, we can't do this now."

"My poetics exam's in ten too. Nine now. Hey, is this my pen?"

"No, it's mine."

"Right, but you're doing a pre, I'm doing a test. Thankfully only one of those requires a pen. I'll keep this." The pen disappeared and Liam whined. Theo kissed the complaint away, and added, "Finders keepers."

"The worst creed," Liam bit Theo's lower lip in revenge and then pushed him off to pin him on the other wall of the washroom cubicle, hands swatting Theo's before finding their way in the other's hair.

"Hey, um, augh, Lydia's throwing a…mmm, party on our floor. Tonight. Want to join 'em?" Liam asked as he fucked Theo nice and deep. The stall shook a little harder than they both intended, and they were trying to keep their pants off the floor. Theo bit down on his bottom lip, weighing the idea. 

"Sure," Theo answered, finally. 

Liam licked his lips and closed his eyes and focused on giving it to Theo just right. "No stealing cup noodles, though."

"Just napkins," Theo huffed and smiled.

 

 

"How was the pre?"

Some students were leaning against the fences on the other side of the parking lot, smoking. Theo watched them idly before realizing Liam was taking some time to respond. He turned back and looked at him curiously. Liam shrugged, put his hands into his pockets.

"…Er, well, my oversized shirt was wrinkly but otherwise it was fine," Liam said, fidgeting a tad. Theo wasn't sure if it was from the cold or something else.

"Aw. Who told you to sleep in it?" he responded.

" _You_ looked like you liked it. And you allowed it. How was your test? Can I have my pen back?" He'd already taken it from Theo's pocket and was spinning it over his fingers.

"It was longer than I anticipated, but I finished an hour before the end," Theo replied. They arrived at his truck and Liam threw Theo the keys. "Want a smoke before we leave?"

Liam paused, scratched the back of his neck, licked his lips, shook his head. "I-I'm thinking of quitting."

Theo raised an eyebrow, studying Liam carefully. "It's not new year's resolutions yet. A bit early, no?"

Liam shrugged, and Theo saw the tense shoulders and the lip-biting thing Liam did when he was trying to hide nervousness. 

"I'll have a formal last one then. Give me a second?" Theo took out his lighter and shook a cig out. Once he lit it, he tossed the box across the parking lot and didn't bother watching it land.

"You don't—" Liam said, staring. "Have to?"

Theo glanced over – the tension in Liam's shoulders had dropped. He took a single long drag and watched the white smoke dissipate into the cold air, and that was it. He put it out with the toe of his sneaker, opened the door to his truck and got in. Liam mirrored him and slipped in quietly. He was expressionless for a moment, but after a heartbeat or two he rested his head against Theo's shoulder. They watched the sun go down through the windshield, let the soothing sight of a pastel gradient sky ease their thoughts.

The dashboard time displayed a quarter to six, and Theo produced a bar of Snickers from his sleeve, made a smooth twist of his wrist to reveal it in front of Liam, and Liam widened his eyes in mild surprise.

"You didn't— did you?"

"I paid for it," Theo rolled his eyes before retracting it a little out of Liam's reach. "If you don't want it then I'll keep it to myself."

"You swear?"

"I swear, you dickhead."

Theo flipped the Snickers into the air and it disappeared down Liam's sleeve in a swift move. The next second Liam was spinning and flipping it through his fingers on his other hand away from Theo. Theo smiled gently: a small tug at the corner of his mouth. 

 

 

"Why's everyone standing on chairs?"

"Malia's tarantula's escaped," Isaac said, taking a swig from his bottle and shrugging when half the people of the floor blinked at him.

"It's high. We're high," Stiles explained then looked at Isaac again, "wait, what, really?"

"That's a joke right? Malia doesn't have a—" Liam quickly climbed onto the only free chair left before he finished his sentence. It suddenly seemed quite probable Malia would own a pet tarantula. Even if it was also pretty much a baseless assumption.

Theo was the only one who wasn't standing on a chair. "Fucking bizarre pre-party," he commented and moved to unlock his dorm door with the swipe of Liam's key-card. Liam eyed Theo dangerously.

"That was in my inner pocket, how did you—" Liam started, but he stopped himself and blushed red almost instantly. No one bothered asking.

"Where's Malia, anyway?" Theo asked.

"Sleuthing for the escapee of Azkaban, I hope," Stiles said. He took out his phone and was probably googling whether tarantulas had an appetite for human fingers or not.

"What's the tarantula's name?" Theo asked offhandedly. Everybody who bothered answering only shrugged.

"Aragog, I bet," Mason proposed. Stiles high-fived him but the rest of the gang just shook their heads. Theo walked into the room, flicked the lights on and dropped his bag. Liam jumped off the chair, followed suit and shut the door behind him.

"We should keep our door closed," Liam said nervously and reached out to tackle-slash-hug Theo from behind. He buried his face into Theo's back. "At all times. God knows what the other people in this building keep as pets."

"Hmm," Theo said, kicking his shoes off. Liam's hands slid into Theo's front pockets. They weren't digging for anything, just finding warmth there. 

"Take your shoes off," Theo added.

"Yes, hubby."

While Liam kicked off his martin shoes, Theo picked up a discarded t-shirt on the floor and tossed it to Liam's desk chair. He spun something in his hand idly before smacking it into the other's chest. "Found your old toothbrush under your Foo Fighters tee. Did you get the chance to buy me a new one?"

Liam smacked his lips, he was turning on his laptop and opening Spotify. "Uhh, use mine for tonight?" He put Foo Fighters on and started rocking to the intro chords of the song.

Theo crinkled his nose. "Lend me your Gryff scarf for a week and we're even." He would never admit it to anyone but he wanted that scarf because it smelled intensely of Liam. He suspected it was the cinnamon tinge but he wasn't entirely sure how he correlated Liam and cinnamon together.

He shook the thoughts away and grabbed Liam and dragged him into an embrace, only to search Liam's back-pockets. Liam deadpanned but nosed Theo's neck anyways. "If you use my money to go buy yourself a dozen toothbrushes, that alone will make us even." 

"I'm looking for my car keys jack-ass."

"Front pocket then, you fake Gryffindor. You could have just asked, dipshit excuse of a boyfriend."

Theo kissed Liam and ruffled his hair and shrugged. "I wanted to hug my boyfriend too. One stone, two birds."

"Like fuck you did," Liam whispered back against Theo's mouth, wrapping his arms around the other's neck and pulling in him for another tight hug, another light kiss.

 

The party was more of a casual get-together across the floor than a party in its strictest definition. After all, getting inebriated in the possible company of a hairy spider did not seem like great prospect. No one wanted to know what it would feel like to step on said company either. The thought itself already made the guys think in falsetto.

So they were all sat across the hall, cross-legged on chairs, talking about college shit and home shit and shitty winter break plans. Malia, on the other hand, never came back to the dorms and was suspiciously evasive in her texts when asked about the existence of her tarantula. But no one would put it pass her to own one.

Theo idly shuffled a deck of cards in one hand, letting half a deck sit on his palm, before pivoting it along the edge of his hand and flipping it back on top of the other half. His fingers were relaxed, well used to it, almost like it was second nature. He swivelled the deck on its corner and cascaded the cards squarely and smoothly. 

While finishing off a card spring, he caught Liam, who was sat next to him, watching. The sound of the cards flickering, paper soaring through the air, was satisfying and left a tingling feeling at the back of Theo's head. Liam smiled and took the resting deck from Theo. He attempted the one-handed cut Theo did and managed awkwardly, but got it around the third try. Theo leaned his head against Liam's shoulder and observed fondly, like he didn't want to do anything else for the rest of the night. A few cards fell out on the floor, and Liam frowned, bending over to pick them.

"Takes practice," Theo said, his head sliding down with Liam's body as Liam bent, one hand soothing Liam's back.

"I thought I had enough practice," Liam murmured. He seemed a little mortified.

Theo narrowed his eyes. "You mean… practice groping my buttocks?"

That made Liam smile. "It definitely adds points to dexterity, you can't deny that," he said before nudging Theo's weight off him. The jostle gave Theo a chance to swipe something from Liam's jeans. Theo realized the second after doing so that it was an unopened condom. He slipped it into his own pocket before Liam looked back at him. Theo pecked him sweetly on the nose to misdirect Liam from his hands. 

"Your room is literally two steps away from you," Isaac said, looking mildly uncomfortable, but also looking like he couldn't care less. 

"Yeah man, I really wanted to see a cool card trick but I think what just transpired between you two requires no audience," Stiles added while massaging his temple and keeping his eyes closed. 

Theo smiled. "I just got around mastering one lately. Want to see some magic?" He spun a card between two fingers.

"If that's euphemism for something, no please?" Stiles answered, cringing. 

"It's not that complicated. Just, here," Theo spread the cards in a fan around the axis of his thumb, ornate red backs faced up. "Pick a card."

Stiles was about to, but Liam stepped off his chair and nabbed a card from the deck and flipped his middle finger at Stiles. 

"What's your proble—"

With a flicker, Liam made the card spin smoothly on the point of his fingers, flashing between an ace of hearts and its red back design. Stiles blinked, the rest of his retort lost on him. He stared, and then after blinking again, the playing card turned into a key card. Liam used it, flourished it briefly through his fingers, and then beeped open his door. Theo stood up and stretched, implying that he was following behind, but he was frowning slightly.

Stiles's nose flared, his expression caught between impressed and exasperated. "You guys are uselessly flashy, you know."

Theo waved him off.

"Night guys," he said before he let the door click close behind him.

 

 

"What was that?" Theo asked when the door clicked close and Liam was changing out of his hoodie.

"What was what?" Liam sounded off, and Theo could see the tension in his shoulder blades again, and his jaw slackening, and his eyes looking anywhere but at Theo.

"Well, I was about to show Stiles—" Theo started.

"—something you never bothered showing me first," Liam finished flatly. He turned around once he was in his sleeping t-shirt but didn't look Theo in the eye. It was Theo's. An old one, army green, no print. Its hem was frayed, bits coming off like mice had nibbled at it. Theo looked away when Liam kicked his jeans off.

"You see me doing flourishes every other day and you steal like half a dozen cards every week. It's honestly nothing new."

"You were going to do a trick, not a flourish."

"This is the most stupid and childish thing to get jealous over, Liam, what the fuck."

"Yeah it is. Fine. Whatever. I'm going to bed. You didn't need to follow me in."

"Well, to be fair, you never told me you were planning to quit smoking? I think that's something—"

"—that I should tell you? I did? And I even told you the first?"

"How the fuck can you equate a card trick to a talk about quitting smoke though?"

"I'm not, okay? You brought it up— It's just—fuck, I don't know," Liam exhaled, and the line of tension was back in his shoulders. "We've been at this together, finding alternatives and shit and we show each other everything and I'm sorry I got used to that because I thought there was no distance between us and cheesy shit like that and then I just. Fuck—I'm sorry I'm upset. You know, it _is_ ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. Maybe I—" Liam hiccupped, " _you_ — fuck. Fuck," Liam pulled his pants back on and made a move for his bag only to take Theo's instead. Likely because it had more of Liam's stuff than Theo's.

Theo slipped between Liam and the door almost instinctively, unsure what was going on. But then he looked at Liam, the way his shoulders were hunched stiffly, the way he looked like he was holding back something, and that made Theo step aside, stick to the wall. He suddenly felt like, no matter what, he wouldn't ever want to be the one blocking Liam from an escape route. Liam saw the gesture and seemed to read Theo like an open book. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. 

"Li?"

"Whatever, T. I just…," Liam grabbed his coat and checked his pockets. A playing card or two and wrappers fell out, but he didn't bother to pick them. He swung his coat over but couldn't reach for the other sleeve because he was getting tangled with the bag straps.

"Liam—"

Liam banged his fist in the wall suddenly and Theo couldn't help but flinch, but when he realized that Liam was crying he quickly stepped towards him, and his hands were cupping Liam's face, his thumbs rubbing his cheeks gently, slowly.

"Hey—hey. Li, it's okay, I'm not upset, I'm sorry I— it's okay—"

"Lost my USB," Liam said. Theo's hands stilled. 

"I panicked," Liam elaborated, "I swiped someone else's. It's – I panicked. Fucking hell. They didn't get to present. I dragged someone else down with m— I just fucked up. Bad? Fuck. I—I didn't say anything because I— it's so fucking stupid. Over a presentation. Fucking presentation. Over some stupid USB key." He was breathing hard.

Theo grabbed Liam by the back of his head and left long kisses everywhere. Hair, forehead, nose, eyelids, cheeks, mouth corners, jawline. Liam muffled a sniffle against them.

"I didn't tell you because I know how you—" Liam exhaled, closed his eyes and tried to breathe. Theo pulled him closer and shushed him. Shushed him and pushed their foreheads together and he willed Liam to just take his time and breathe. Liam's hands shook in his but Theo's hold was tight. 

When Liam started to calm down, Theo motioned for them to sit down because he felt his own knees about to give in – he was shaking from some kind of pseudo ghost panic attack himself, he realized. Secondhand panic attack. Whatever it was.

Liam nodded and they sank down, got into a position they would be most comfortable in. Theo sat back against the wall and Liam sat next to Theo but with his legs over the other's lap. They stayed silent like that, and Theo realized how the hallway seemed quiet too. It wasn't a good sign, but at this point, he couldn't care less about the rest of the group. He took Liam's hand and traced the knuckles delicately.

"I didn't want to tell you because I know you'd break your streak," Liam said.

Theo blinked. "What?"

"You… you always break your streak after I break mine. Like, a few days after. Domino effect. I don't know. You just do. I think maybe it's cause you don't want me to fall behind alone, or something. Or … well, maybe _you_ don't want to be alone."

Theo opened his mouth but couldn't find any words.

Liam picked a card from the floor and spun it between his fingers again. It fell through, and Theo felt his heart fall with it.

 

 

"You'd probably be better without me," Liam said, eyes looking across the room, unmoving, distant. 

Theo stayed quiet. Liam shifted uncomfortably. Theo wanted to tell him it wasn't true, but then he started thinking reversely about whether Liam would be better off without him.

"You know, I said I wanted to quit smoking to—"

"—to cover up what happened," Theo finished. Liam nodded. They exchanged looks and Liam hesitated, leaned forward, laid his head against Theo's shoulder.

"I fucked up," he said again, and Theo shook his head, tried finding something to say.

"Nothing's easy. If everything was easy—"

"Then no one would be impressed by anything," Liam finished. 

Theo smiled briefly. "I meant to say if things were easy life would be, well, duller than it already is. And people wouldn't grow up."

"Optimistic."

"I don't know. I just— I guess I've run out of things to say."

They watched the time display on the bedside alarm clock from across the room flick its minutes. Their hands were on top of one another – familiar warmth at their fingertips. There was some shuffling of chairs and bottles clinking behind their door in the corridor. Trucks driving past outside, someone's scooter alarm going off in the distance, and if they really focused, they could probably hear the sound of snow being shovelled outside of the parking lot. 

"I'd be in a worse state," Theo said. Liam glanced at him. Theo didn't clarify; he was still at a loss of words, and he wasn't sure how to deal with the saturation of emotions he was feeling all at once. It was mind-numbing, like ants crawling under his skin.

"I'm sorry I didn't show you first," Theo offered instead.

Liam shook his head. "No," he said. "I snapped at you. It's not you. I'm…" He sighed. He reached into Theo's pocket and pulled out a card (ace of hearts) and a condom. He fiddled with both in one hand. "I was being stupid."

Theo took the card from Liam, biting his lip. "I wouldn't say that."

"Then what would you say?"

Theo smiled sadly. "That you cared."

Liam cocked his head sideways on his arms as he pulled his knees closer to his chest. He opened his mouth, closed it, mulled over something before finally saying, "I'm sorry."

Theo felt his heart somewhere at the bottom of his gut. "I don't want you to be sorry that you cared."

Liam stilled, and then nodded, and they stayed quiet for another moment or two before Theo kissed him gently, saying, "God, I want you so much."

Liam smiled briefly. He straddled Theo's lap and kissed him deep and slow, hands resting on both sides of Theo's face while Theo's rested on his hips.

 

They lay on their backs on the bed. Only the desk lamp was on. Spotify was playing softer songs, nocturnal acoustics. There was an opened condom wrap on the floor near the swivel chair.

"I'd never leave you," Theo said softly, as if he barely had the courage to say anything at all. "I don't think it's because _I_ am afraid of being alone."

"I know," Liam murmured, "I just think—"

"I mean it's good you pointed it out; I hadn't thought about it that way. But you can't fill in the blanks in your head like that. You said you thought there was no distance between us. We don't need to be completely transparent, that's pretty unrealistic, but I'm here, aren't I?"

"Yeah," Liam agreed. "Yeah, you're right."

They stayed quiet for a while before Theo sat up and tried to get something that was underneath the blankets and in the way of his legs. It was Liam's scarf. A waft came off it. Theo bit his lower lip.

"I don't know why you're still with me. I wonder about it sometimes," he admitted. 

Liam sat up, stretched his fingers. "You're filling the blanks in your head too."

 

Theo realized that he was looking for his Ultra Lights, force of habit. He found the pack and there were two left but he threw them in the bin instead. Liam studied him cursorily.

"Honestly though, I'd rather keep my lungs," he said. "I do want to quit smoking."

"Save some money, yeah," Theo agreed. "I like the idea."

Liam smiled. "I noticed you'd be saving up. You getting me a pack of Virts or what?"

"I'm just waiting to see if there's a release for 2019. Otherwise I found someone willing to sell their 2015 ones. Unopened, seal intact."

"Shit. I should get that myself then. Send me the contact? Weren't you going to get your classy black Monarchs?" Liam wasn't fond of the Monarchs playing cards – he thought people only liked them because they appeared in a movie with an all-star cast.

"I think the white ones look nicer and might wear slower. I'm waiting to see if I can find one on sale. I'm getting you those Virts so don't you fucking dare get them yourself."

"Hmm," Liam purred against Theo. They browsed the online catalogue of playing cards on their phones and started discussing about any and everything related. 

 

The night seemed endless, but not necessarily in the bad way. They were snug in bed, pillows kicked, blankets pulled, boyfriends hugged. They talked, stared up at their ceilings, sang along some favourite songs, kissed for no specific reason, hands intertwined. 

Nights like these meant the world to them. Nights like these made Theo think that maybe if he slipped his hand into Liam's pocket, he'd find that Liam had stolen his heart and soul. Taken them for his to keep.

 

 

"We're in this together, you and me," Theo murmured, an inch away from sleep, when they were forehead to forehead, hand in hand. It was a big promise told like a soft lullaby for lost criminals.

Liam smiled gently, nodded. He let his right hand slide up from Theo's hand, up to the chest. It stopped right above Theo's heart and rested there, his palm fitting just right.

 

Like it belonged. 

Like it was meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> keep warm and have a good end of year!


End file.
